Socks

by Abree, CiCi Lean, Trillian, Odie and Shan Krug

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter Six: Smackers
by CiCi Lean
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey, Krycek, your shoe's untied..."

//WHACK!//

Brian Pendrell stared in annoyance at Fox Mulder who was herding them through the St. Petersburg airport at a furious pace, which they desperately tried to keep up with, once again handcuffed at the ankles.

"Why does he keep hitting you like that?" asked Brian, as he and Krycek shuffled through the crowd like a bizarre three-legged bird.

Krycek shrugged. "Don't tell anyone, but I think he likes me."

"Hey, Krycek you have something on your chin."

//SMACK!//

Brian turned to Mulder indignantly. "Agent Mulder, I think you should remember that section 1213 of the federal criminal code prohibits mistreatment of suspects in your custody."

Mulder looked at him only for a second before replying.

"Hey Pendrell, you have something in your hair."

//WHACK!//

"Yow!" yelled Pendrell, rubbing his head. He stared at Mulder, who returned his look with a evil, yet somewhat perversely satisfied grin. Brian backed away from Mulder, as Krycek turned to him.

"Guess he likes you too," Krycek shrugged at a horrified Pendrell. "Who woulda thunk it?"

Mulder flashed his badge at the customs agents and shoved Alex and Brian through the tunnel leading to the plane. "Careful here, boys, there's lots of flying debris around that I'll have to *removing* from you during our little trip," he snarled with glee, shoving them forward.

They stumbled inside the plane entrance, landing in a heap at the stewardess' feet.

"This is gonna be a *long* flight," whispered Krycek to Brian, as they lay on the rough carpet.

"A long, long flight..."

****

Washington DC
Dulles Airport

"Well, if it isn't Alex Krycek and my own little traitor, Pendrell" growled Dana Scully as Brian and Alex exited the plane, both sporting considerable bruises, on most extremities.

She sidled up to Pendrell and grabbed his chin. He squirmed uncomfortably in her talon-like grip.

"Hey, Pendrell," she whispered, in her most seductive tones. "Guess what?"

"What?" he squeaked, as Krycek looked on with murder in his eyes.

"You've got something on your chin." she snarled.

//WHACK!!//

"OW!" screamed Pendrell, as a hard-as-iron fist connected with his already swollen jaw.

"I thank God for a partner as fastidious as this one, boys," said Mulder, staring at Scully with pride in his eyes. "OK, start moving toward the car." He shoved Alex and Brian forward toward the waiting sedan.

Scully followed, glaring at Pendrell as they walked.

"Hey Alex. Does this mean she likes me too?" asked Brian curiously, as they were dragged into the car.

Krycek frowned at him. "Absolutely not."

"Oh," replied Pendrell with slight regret. But very slight.

And the black car took off to the FBI building.

****

FBI Headquarters
AD Skinner's Office

"Guess what, boy?"

AD Skinner towered over Krycek with a malicious, yet joyful gleam in his eye.

Krycek cringed under his glare, but answered anyway. "Lemee guess. I got something on my jacket. Or my chin. Or in my hair. Right?"

"No," said Skinner, his massive fist clenching. "You've got something in your eye."

//POW!//

"AGGGHHHH!!!" screamed Krycek, falling backwards as the beefy fist made contact. "GGGAHHAHAH!!"

"Get him the hell out of here, " said Skinner to a pair of agents that were standing in the doorway. "But leave Pendrell behind."

Brian gulped in fear, and watched with misery as Alex was hauled away, his single arm flailing, and his eye swelling rapidly. "Goodbye, Alex," he whispered unhappily.

"Garghahhagggg, " Krycek replied, as he was hauled out the door.

"Agent Pendrell," growled Skinner.

Brian cringed in abject terror as he faced the massive AD. "Yes, sir. I have nothing in my eye, sir. I swear it, sir. Sir, if I could explain, sir, you see, sir..."

"You're free to go, Agent Pendrell," sniffed Skinner, tossing a file down on his desk. "With our apologies..."

"What?!" cried Mulder, who had been watching the previous proceedings with a strange satisfaction.

"WHAT?!" screamed Scully.

But Brian continued on, babbling in fear. "I was grocery shopping, sir, just buying some Sara Lee cake, listening to Donna Summer, when I went into the closet and Alex showed me his socks, and we both went on the boat and the man had one eye...no, one arm...no, one clone lady, and I..."

"But why, sir?" asked Mulder angrily.

"We checked out his story with the supermarket management," replied Skinner. "He checks out."

"And then the plane landed and I got the goulash recipe and I thought it was gulag and then we were in the cell with the man who said Americanski and there were Barry Manilow records with OJ tapes and I didn't know if Alex was lying and then there were there were beavers..." continued Brian hysterically waving his arms.

"But he's been consorting with a known felon," cried Scully.

"Against his will," replied Skinner. "Therefore, he's not responsible for his actions."

"And they wanted my pencil, but then Alex showed up, and so did Martine, but her moccasins were dirty, so what was the point, and then he sort of kissed me, but then Agent Mulder came, and now I'm here, and I don't really want to be here, I'd rather be with Alex..."

"Get him the hell out of here," said Skinner, waving to the other agents that guarded the door. "He's sounds like a moron."

"I just wanted Spaghetti-O's, and he dropped his fake arm, and I can't help how I feel, I thought I liked girls, but now I'm confused, I mean I think I still do, but I just want a minute, or an hour, or a week, just to see how..." yelled Pendrell, his voice fading as he was hauled out the door.

"Damn," said Scully, with an angry grimace.

"Damn," said Mulder, with petulant frown.

After a long moment, Scully turned to Mulder with a curious look. "Hey, Mulder..."

"Yeah?"

"I think you have something on your chin."

"Wait a minute.."

//WHACK!!//

****

Sci-Crime Lab
FBI Headquarters

Brian Pendrell sighed as he logged another slide into his evidence book.

"This blows," he muttered to himself, as he put aside another stool sample with a grimace. He sighed and walked over to the windows overlooking the Bureau parking lot and thought about many things.

Of ships and socks and moccasins

Of bald guys, beavers and kievs.

And motel rooms that could be procured at a good hourly rate.

He sighed heavily again. Well, no time for regrets, he thought. It's back to Spaghetti-O's and Urkel. At least that was OK. That Urkel guy, he was pretty funny. Brian continued to sigh loudly and try to forget kisses against his head bump, when he felt a strange sensation upon his back. Someone was poking him. With an index finger.

And whispering in his ear.

"Don't turn around," said the voice, poking harder.

"Why?" asked Brian, his eyes wide.

"Because you're being kidnaped," replied the voice.

"Really?" replied Brian, his voice confused, as the finger poked him again. "And if I don't go with you?"

"You'll get shot."

Brian rolled his eyes. "You're going to shoot me with your finger?" he asked with disdain, as he turned around.

And Brian Pendrell gasped when he saw who it was.

"That's right," replied Alex Krycek with a smile. "Now are you coming with me or not?"

"Oh, boy! You bet!" cried Brian happily. "Where are you taking me?"

Krycek smiled wickedly. "The place voted least likely for us to go..."

"A motel?" asked Brian hopefully.

"No," replied Krycek, shaking his head. "Even better..."

"Mulder and Scully's office."

****

X-Files Office
FBI Headquarters

"Hurry up."

Alex and Brian put the finishing touches on their homemade barricade against the inside of the X-Files basement office door. A filing cabinet, three chairs, two garbage pails and ten boxes of stale donuts were all that stood between them and the phalanx of agents who were no doubt scouring the building looking for Krycek at that very moment. They both estimated they had about twenty minutes to *finish their discussion*.

"OK," said Alex, suddenly feeling somewhat shy, as the barrier was completed.

Brian blushed. "OK."

"Well, I guess we'll...um...we'll go over to Mulder's desk," said Krycek, taking Brian by the hand and leading him to the back of the office.

They both stared at Mulder's desk, its top covered with a huge pile of soggy sunflower seed shells, moldy coffee cups, boxes of "Real Honest To Goodness Alien Poop", and piles of files with dust so thick on them, you could write your name in clear script over their tops.

Krycek made a horrible face. "And he calls *me* a sewer rat."

"Yech. Let's try Scully's desk," said Brian, with a disgusted grimace.

They both turned around once, and then turned around again.

"Where the hell is it?" asked Krycek, with extreme irritation, when no desk came into view.

"I don't know," replied Brian, with a confused expression.

"Don't tell me she doesn't HAVE one," cried Krycek, his voice a model of absolute frustration.

Brian bit his lip. "It appears that way."

"Christ!" yelled Krycek. "The floor?"

They both looked down at the floor, carefully tended to by well-paid civil employees, who made more money per hour than most exotic dancers.

"YECH!" they cried in unison as they looked at the filthy floor, with sludge of an unknown origin thickly covering the once white tiles.

Suddenly, they both heard shouts on the other side of the door. Their homemade barrier began to tremble, and the donuts began to tumble as a troop of agents started to batter the door down.

"Well, I guess this is it," said Krycek sadly, as the shouts became louder and the garbage pails fell. "All because that dumb bimbo didn't have a desk."

Brian took Alex's cheeks between his hands as the door began to buckle and the file cabinets began to tilt over.

"Not quite," he whispered, and leaning in toward Krycek...

Brian Pendrell kissed him.

Fully. Completely. Right on the mouth.

For a full forty-two and one-half seconds.

"Wow," gasped Krycek, when they finally surfaced for air. "Jesus..."

"Uh, huh," replied Brian, breathlessly, as the agents entered the basement office guns drawn, grabbed Krycek and began to haul him away.

"Brian!" Krycek yelled, flailing his left arm, his only arm at him.

"Yes?" yelled Pendrell after Krycek.

"You've got the best socks in entire world!!"

And Brian Pendrell smiled at this, a sad smile, but a smile nonetheless. "So do you, Alex."

"So do you."

****