Socks

by Abree, CiCi Lean, Trillian, Odie and Shan Krug

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Chapter Twelve: Intervention Of The Sock Goddess
by Shan Krug
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Brian and Alex sat on the wall, silent as the bubbles crept closer.

Iggy broke the silence. He made a strange sound in his throat, somewhat like Elvis's voice when he couldn't remember the words, then jumped off the raft with a roll of his eyes.

"I've gotta learn a little more about what penguins can or can't do," Brian muttered to his depressed conscience.

"Don't worry, Brian," it responded. "Accept Iggy for what he is."

Brian jumped up, suddenly realizing what he was coming to. He put his foot down for the third time that day. "Alex, what are we doing here? Why are we just sitting here as these giant bubbles approach us? I mean, what can they *do* to us? What are we so afraid of them?" He shrugged helplessly, lacking the presence of mind to come up with a more expressive gesture.

"True enough," Alex beagan, "but... I don't know what kind of bubbles they are. I mean, let's get this straight. They're big, they're in the Arctic or wherever, and... well..." he shrugged, and looked out over the pink-studded ocean.

*****

Meanwhile, in the vast underworld palaces of the Sock Goddess, the Goddess herself was distressed.

"Who was that penguin, Mark? Is THAT the fierce protector you promised you'd send for Brian?" She paced, agitated, her close-knit cotton trousers brushing the folds of her golden, silken, beautiful wool socks.

Mark, her advisor as well as Guidesock on long voyages, stood aside, waiting for an explanation.

"Look at this report," the Goddess demanded as she stalked over to him. "A penguin in the South Atlantic says he found Brian on a floating wall, surrounded by Mr. Bubbles -"

"How long ago?" Mark interrupted. he then recoiled at the Goddess's disapproving stare. "Sorry."

"Well, about five minutes ago."

"What is this penguin doing abut it?"

"Nothing!" The Goddess threw the memo on the floor. A pair of Kate-socks rushed in and moved them to her desk. They used the excuse to lurk along the wall and listen to the latest events.

"So, I have to find some *subtle* way to transport a floating wall from the middle of the ocean to someplace safe. Also, I need to have a nice, long talk with all those -oris jerks." The Goddess's socks continued to flash golden as she paced.

"Oh, no," Mark spoke up, practically feeling a lightbulb appear above his head. "You don't want to try the Chicken Kiev again, do you? Look, your plans to turn it into a grand hotel didn't work then - "

"- And they won't work now. Mark, I know this entire litany, but they're fewer now. There are now no more than eight -Orises to fight."

"But, Goddess, think of what happened last time. Those blue things that spoke Finnish... so adorable, remember? Well, the army is still trying to recover from that, and you know how badly the high school recruiters are doing. And those brochures?" he rambled on, with he Goddess watching in amusement, "They did no good! All they meant was those Feds went willingly to the Chicken Kiev, and you know where they are-"

"Okay, Mark, enough. The Feds were jerks, which is unfortunate because there are so many cute slang terms about them. All right? Well, there is something they don't know that could be a nice bargaining lever -"

"Wonder what that could be," Mark muttered. "A thicker, more enduring heel?"

"Mark, for one thing you must stop interrupting me. Remember, Erica is rising in the ranks..." Mark nodded in miserable acceptance. "And that heel was the way we got 50% of Nike stocks *before* it hit big. Now," she continued, "That bargaining could all focus on a nice little roll of Kodak film..." Mark gasped as the Goddess held up the film she'd pulled from her pocket, and she continued: "Iggy brought it. They need it. If I call them for a conference and I include a message from this roll of film, they'll have to believe me. So, Mark, do you remain a loyal Guidesock?"

"Yes, Goddess. I solemnly uphold my pledge to the sock cause, and vow to defend all who carry it forward."

The Goddess smiled, and the Kates left with some nice news for the gossip tables.

*****

Alex had fallen asleep, and Brian continued to stare at the bubbles. If he looked at them long enough, they began to resemble things. He saw potatoes drifting around...bowling balls... and, eventually, an entire sock drawer. He realized the bubbles were advancing at an alarming rate, and he had to do something.

"Look, I realize you're inanimate, but I wish you'd listen to what I have to say. I mean, I haven't done anything wrong," he told a passing pink lump. "Even if I had, *you* do not have the right to punish me this way!"

Disguised as another bubble, Katie 84 and Steve 211 swept into the area, "In the Year 2525" blasting on their stereo.

"Did you hear something?" Steve 211 asked. He turned off the stereo.

"No. But now I do. They're yelling at each other," Katie 84 responded. She was careful to steer around the bubbles, knowing that Xoris must have suggested this just to make them feel like morons for giving the Orises a bubblish boat in the last treaty. "Recreational boating my heel," she scoffed.

The sounds of shouting became clearer, and Steve 211 looked worried. "If they're fighting each other, you realize, it's all over."

Katie sighted the wall. "I don't think they're yelling at each other," she commented.

"Look!" they heard. "I didn't realize how wrong it was to take all the mint-flavored toothpicks! I realize my error! Isn't it time to give up now?" The figure on the floating wall backed away from a bubble as it drifted nearer.

Suddenly, Brian turned as a dart whizzed past him and hit Alex. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Alex, what have they done to you?" He raised a fist at the bubbles, but..

Brian's world went black as he was hit with a tranquilizer dart. "Hey, I thought those were only for if we *needed* them, Katie." Steve 211 squinted at he raft... did he see a dead fish?...

"Believe me, they needed it. If they're unconscious if and when they reach the Goddess, they won't question being pulled into the bubbles. Obviously, these men have a reason to fear them." Katie 84 stepped gingerly onto the wall, grabbed the two unconscious men, and tossed them into the boat.

The door closed and, under Katie 84's careful guidance, dipped beneath the waves exactly the way most bubbles don't, which is why Loris gave up the vodka he used to drink before beginning his watch, and meanwhile never reported it to any other Oris.

The Goddess recieved the radio from Steve 211 with a smile. She then ordered that the men be taken to Rabat.

"NO!" Katie protested in the background. "Don't you remember the snowcones?"

"Oh, sock of all socks, how could I forget?" In a rare moment of admitting she was wrong, the Goddess changed the order. "Well... what about... Well, we could hold them here until the Kiev is sieged, and I think they'd be useful there. I decided the film would be a waste of time. We're invading the Chicken Kiev again."

"She'll change her mind," Katie 84 whispered to Steve 211, and he accepted the order.

*****

The Bronco chase was actually quite interesting if you watched it backwards, Fox Mulder soon learned. It matched up with "Dark Side of the Moon" far better, he thought, than the Wizard of Oz did.

"The lunatic is on the grass," the stereo played, as the Bronco slipped back to a corner, following the police car that had already turned. Fox laughed like a lunatic...on the grass...

Outside the Kiev, the Holy Armies of the Sock Goddess amassed at the gates. All the Orises reported to the scene as soon as possible to try turning them back, but it was no use. Their store of duct tape, reserved for emergencies, was the fatal blow. Dozens of socks surrounded each, doing the Maypole dance as they wrapped each Oris in duct tape. Doris got the ugliest, the green, and Katie 84, having risen to a position in the high command, ordered that Xoris be tormented with a special pink that had been made exclusively to torment Roseanne Barr when she was captured.

Within minutes, the prisoners of the Kiev were assembled in the former duct tape shed.

Walter, Fox, and a mysterious woman wearing a paper bag on her head walked in and sat together. The woman with a bag over her head seemed to have rejected Fox's claims that there is nothing more fun than seeing the Bronco chase the police cars, and Walter was determined to quiet them.

"Look, you two. If you'd calm down for a moment you might realize that we're FREE now!" He rolled a green pellet around in his hand, remembering the times he had spent on the hamster wheel. He knew he'd never forget, and hoped that these new owners would offer it to him...

Mark, despite feeling that he was being chastised - speaking to crowds of weirdos like these was *not* an appropriate job for the Goddess'smGuidesock - stood before the room and welcomed those who had come.

"We had long heard of the tortures you were all subjected to here," he began. "We would like to offer you all freedom, but we would also like to offer you positions in turning the horrid Chicken Kiev into a world class hotel." The cheers coming from the crowd surprised him. "They're taking this awfully well," Katie 84 noted to the Goddess, as they sat behind Mark's podium.

Mark introduced the Sock Goddess, as Elanora Cirrus, to the crowd, telling that she would be directing the transition. She took the podium.

"I would like to introduce to you two of your fellow prisoners, who had escaped, yet were willing to return." Erica, always a dedicated sock first, woke Brian and Alex in the closet from which they'd enter the room. "Sorry to surprise you guys like this," she told them, "but we had no choice. Now just go in there, obey the Goddess, and don't forget to smile!"

The Goddess led the crowd in applauding them. "Alex, how will you contribute to our developing hotel?" she asked him. A sock sitting behind him slipped him a note: *can you cook?* and he nodded back to her.

"Well," Alex said, trying to act a little normal, "I cook."

The Goddess thanked him, then introduced Brian as a promising leader of the hotel.

This was too much for the woman with a paper bag over her head. She ran out of the shed, and into the forest, dragging Fox and Walter with her. "That is TOO MUCH!!!!!!" she shouted.

The words echoed through the trees, and up to Phil, who paged God and asked what the hell was going on.

"Watch you mouth, Phil. Well, the Goddess seems to be diverting me, but it's funny anyway. You're still running the planet, Phil, and you must do something about those Feds."

Phil burst into tears. God returned to watching events at the Chicken Kiev, where Brian was answering the Goddess's questions, and Katie 84 had ordered Alex to the kitchen, where he was saving a platter of cookies with runny icing from oblivion and a life as compost...

****