Socks

by Abree, CiCi Lean, Trillian, Odie and Shan Krug

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter Negative One: r u single?
by Abree
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Subj: r u single?
From: [email protected]
Date: 97-12-28 00:58:08 EST
To: [email protected]

if u r let me know maybe we can get 2gether sometime email me ok

******

Subj: Re: r u single?
Date: 97-12-28 00:58:08 EST
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]

Sure, send me your address. I'll give you a grammar-checker, free of charge.

Also, consider getting a life.

-----

Brian Pendrell
[email protected]
Visit my "Dilbert" page:
http://www.geocities.com/GeekVille/DilbertSquare/2911/

*****

Subj: Re: r u single?
Date: 97-12-28 00:58:08 EST
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]

Hah! You fool. A person of your superior :::snicker::: intellect should've known that I am actually part of a massive conspiracy, designed by bald Russian men, to spread poor spelling, grammar, and morals throughout the Internet. Eventually, we will take over the world!

You idiotic g-men...

*****

Subj: Re: r u single?
Date: 97-12-28 00:58:08 EST
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]

Uh-huh. Right. First off, there are no "massive conspiracies." Second, if you were really dedicated to your "conspiracy," you would've replied spelling your words all wrong and using atrocious grammar. Third, do your mommy and dad know what you do on the big bad Internet?

-----

Brian Pendrell
[email protected]
UPDATED! "Wally/Dilbert Slash Archive"
http://www.geocities.com/GeekVille/DilbertSquare/2911/wd.htm

*****

Subj: Oh, split hairs WAS Re: r u single?
Date: 97-12-28 00:58:08 EST
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]

Well, to tell you the truth, I don't really like my job anymore. 12 hours a day sitting in front of this damned computer writing stupid, vaguely erotic e-mails filled with those damned "R" and "U" abbreviations. Oh, sure, there are SOME benefits - occasionally someone will reply, and occasionally they actually won't be that mean. There are some days I wish I could just write something thoughtful and meaningful, which I suppose is why I'm writing to you.

BTW, Wally and Dilbert slash? That is SO not what the comic is about...

*****

Subj: God, you HAD to bring this up! WAS Oh, split hairs WAS Re: r u single?
Date: 97-12-28 00:58:08 EST
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]

Geez, you were getting so nice and friendly and then you HAD to say that! The whole POINT of the Dilbert FANDOM is for fans to READ BETWEEN THE LINES. INCLUDING Wally/Dilbert slash. Bet you had no problems with those sappy Dilbert/Tina romances, huh?

:::sigh:::

-----

Brian Pendrell
[email protected]
Join the Dilbert Fic list!
Send a blank e-mail to: [email protected]

*****

Subj: That's NOT what I meant WAS God, you HAD to bring this up! WAS Oh, split hairs WAS Re: r u single?
Date: 97-12-28 00:58:08 EST
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]

You got me wrong. I didn't say ALL Dilbert slash was wrong, just WALLY/Dilbert slash. I actually like the majority of the Dilbert/Boss slash, its just that I despise Wally so much that the thought of him being involved with Dilbert makes me cringe.

Do you know where I could find a Dilbert/Boss archive?

*****

Subj: Well, since you asked... WAS That's NOT what I meant WAS God, you HAD to bring this up! WAS Oh, split hairs WAS Re: r u single?
Date: 97-12-28 00:58:08 EST
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]

I've actually been making a Dilbert/Boss archive, I just haven't told anyone about it. It's not done, but you can find it at http://www.geocities.com/GeekVille/DilbertSquare/2911/db.htm

If you have any suggestions, I'd love to have them...

-----

Brian Pendrell
[email protected]
"So YOU'RE Brian Pendrell! With all those Dilbert sex archives! Ha ha! SECURITY!" - Scott Adams, "Dilbert" creator, in a local K-Mart.

*****

Subj: Wow! WAS Well, since you asked... WAS That's NOT what I meant WAS God, you HAD to bring this up! WAS Oh, split hairs WAS Re: r u single?
Date: 97-12-28 00:58:08 EST
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]

That was INCREDIBLE! Who did those pictures? Highly illegal, but WHOA!

The stories were pretty good, too. But those pictures...yowch. That's just a lawsuit WAITING to happen.

I'm going to check back more often. I couldn't stay too long, my damned bald Russian supervisor gave me this film canister and told me to get it developed. Probably more of his damned vacation photos from Walt Disney World.

*****

Subj: Hey, thanks! WAS Wow! WAS Well, since you asked...WAS That's NOT what I meant WAS God, you HAD to bring this up! WAS Oh, split hairs WAS Re: r u single?
Date: 97-12-28 00:58:08 EST
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]

I'm glad you liked it! Those pictures were done by a friend of mine. Yeah, I'll probably get another of those "cease-and-desist" letters, but they never mean it.

BTW, you've never told me your name. Is it Alex? Is Alex short for something? You really AREN'T some 12 year old from Arizona, right?

-----

Brian Pendrell
[email protected]
NEW! The Dilbert/Boss Slash Archive!
http://www.geocities.com/GeekVille/DilbertSquare/2199/db.htm

*****

Subj: Um, Alex? WAS Hey, thanks! WAS Wow! WAS Well, since you asked... WAS That's NOT what I meant WAS God, you HAD to bring this up! WAS Oh, split hairs WAS Re: r u single?
Date: 97-12-28 00:58:08 EST
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]

It's been about a week...are you okay? Your parents haven't grounded you or anything, have they? We just added ten new stories to the Dilbert/Boss archive!

E-mail me!

-----

Brian Pendrell
[email protected]
Make up your own damn .sig. I'm busy

*****

Subj: (No Subject)
Date: 97-12-28 00:58:08 EST
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]

We regret to inform you that your correspondent "[email protected]" is no longer under our employment due to circumstances involving a canister of film that will no doubt result in many pseudo-hilarious adventures. Please refrain from e-mailing the above address, for we know where you live and will not hesitate to turn off your illegal cable.

We have also examined your websites with great interest and would like to offer you several thousand dollars to convince you to shut down your wretched "Dilbert/Boss Slash Archive." We feel that Dilbert belongs only with Wally, and we will not hesitate to turn off your illegal cable if you do not comply.

In the event that you e-mail "[email protected]" AND refrain from tearing down your "Dilbert/Boss Slash Archive," we will turn off your illegal cable AND hide live newts in your sock drawer.

Thank you for your time.

Boris
[email protected]
Visit "Monocle Central" at:
http://www.scarybaldrussianmen.com/monocles/index.htm

*****

Subj: Re: (No Subject)
Date: 97-12-28 00:58:08 EST
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]

First, I will NEVER give up my quest for my fellow Dilbert/Boss lover, Alex. In the short two-day span I knew him/her, I knew that he/she would be a very important part of my life. I WILL find him! Or her!

Second, your monocle graphics don't show up on your page. I hacked into your account and found that while the pictures are in the .jpg format, you used ".gif" in your source code. Loser.

Third, I don't have illegal cable! You're thinking about Mrs. Threepwood next door!

Fourth, I cordially invite you to bite me. If you lay a hand on my socks, I'll kill you with my bare hands.

-----

Brian Pendrell
[email protected]
Visit the new "Dilbert/Boss MegaPage"! Includes slash fanfiction, slash pictures, and a special audio section featuring the delicate glass of monocles being smashed with a tire iron:
http://dbslash.simplenet.com/mega/

*****

Subj: (No Subject)
Date: 97-12-28 00:58:08 EST
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]

Dear Mr. Pendrell,

You may notice you have a slight headache, due to the fact that all of your memories regarding this "Alex" have been wiped. A similar procedure was performed on "Alex," after which he became a bit violent and stumbled off with the film again. This has nothing to do with anything, really. I just thought you would want to know.

Also as a result, we erased your love of "Dilbert" and stole the contents of your "Dilbert/Wally Slash Archive." We also gave you an incurable love for tuna and bought you a subscription to "Newsweek" for your troubles.

Thank you for your time.

Boris
[email protected]
Visit the new "Wally/Dilbert Slash Archive" at:
http://www.scarybaldrussianmen.com/wd.html

*****

Subj: Re: (No Subject)
Date: 97-12-28 00:58:08 EST
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]

Er, yeah. Consider a CAT scan, okay?

-----

Brian Pendrell
[email protected]
Visit my Tribute to Penny Marshall!
http://pennyrocksmyworld.simplenet.com/

****

COLB Home