Title - Scully and Pendrell on the Kitchen Floor (1/1)
Author - Cat O'Brien
E-Mail address - cmbrien@piper.hamline.edu
Archive - Sure, just keep my name on it.
Rating - PG-13 
Category - V, H
Spoilers - NONE
Keywords - Mulder/Scully UST
Summary - A lesson in eavesdropping Mulder will NEVER forget

Author's note - For the sake of my story, Pendrell did not die in "Tempus
Fugit", he was just hurt really bad. I like feedback, but this is my first
X-Files fanfic, so don't hurt me.

Disclaimer- Scully, Mulder, and Pendrell do not belong to methey belong to
CC, 1013, Fox and any other corporation that has a piece of the action.  I
am using them for my own purposes without permission - so there.


Scully and Pendrell on the Kitchen Floor (1/1)


I did not just hear what I thought I heard.  I couldn't have.  No way.
I'm hearing things, imagining things.  I closed my eyes in the fervent
hope that when I opened them I would not be standing just inside Scully's
door, hearing this.  I could not believe how such a simple idea had gotten
me in this situation.

It was all suppose to be so uncomplicated.  I was lonely and bored and
thought I'd surprise Scully with her favorite Chinese food and a movie.
Just like a dozen other times. But when I got to her place loud music was
coming through the door.  Loud dance music, maybe the Spice Girls, not at
all Scully's style.  When she didn't respond to my knocking, I did
something I shouldn't have done, I let myself in.  I shut the door behind
me and stared to call out to her when I heard it.  A voice, a male voice.

"Scully, I want to, but I don't think I can!"  The voice was familiar, but
I couldn't place it. I should have turned around then, but I didn't.  My
ego would not let me leave without knowing what Scully was doing in her
kitchen with a guy.

"Stop being a wimp and put your arms around me."  It was then that I
wanted to die.  Scully was asking some guy to hold her, to touch her.
Life is just too cruel. 

"I don't know.  I'll just make a fool of myself."  The guy sounded upset,
almost scared.  Doesn't that just figure.  This guy was with a beautiful
woman who was demanding that he touch her, and he was being indecisive.
Scully, you could do so much better.

"Just do it!  I won't wait forever."  Scully sounded out of breath, or
maybe it was just because she was shouting over the music.  I couldn't
tell exactly. Ok, so I just didn't want to wonder *why* she was out of
breath.  

"But Scully, we're in the kitchen!  That's just weird!"  Ok, now I was
starting to really hate this guy.  How dumb could one man be! If a pretty,
brilliant woman wants you to hold her, you do it - no questions asked.

"Look. Stop being silly and do it, Pendrell."  It was at that point that
my world collapsed around me.  Pendrell.  The computer geek that looked
like Howdy-Doody's love child.  The Richie Cunningham of the lab.
Pendrell, in a kitchendoing -things- with Scully.  My Scully. Whoa, she
wasn't mine, no matter how much I wished otherwise.  She was her own, but
PENDRELL?

So here I stand, cooling Kung Pao chicken in one hand and a copy of
Valmont in the other.  Listening to...whatever in the next room.

"Please, Scully, can't we just move in to the other room?"  Panic,
definite panic.  They couldn't catch me here.  Scully would shoot me
again, maybe kill me this time. But where to go?  If I go out the door,
she's bound to hear.  Bathroom? Nope, that would get me seen for sure.
Into her room?  Uh, no.  Who knows when they might move in there...please
God let me escape!

"No, Pendrell.  We are staying in here.  The floor is nice and smooth and
will make it easier to move around."  On the kitchen floor?!? No, no, no,
mental pictures, mental pictures.  I was not going to imagine Scully doing
indecent things on the kitchen floor.  Ok, so I'd thought about it before,
but with me and not geek boy.  Scully inspired those thoughts in me- in
her kitchen, in the car, on an autopsy table So what?  I'm a guy, she's a
woman...sue me.  But Pendrell and her...nope, never in a million trillion
years would I have even thought that would happen. Never.

"No, don't put your hands there.  God, Pendrell when you said you didn't
know how, I never thought you REALLY didn't know." HA!  See what happens
Dana dear when you settle for, for that.  It is so unfair. He's such a
kid.  Why let him have his way with you, when you and I could have *so*
much fun.  You wouldn't have to tell me what to do.  Hell, if you like
that, you can.  I'd follow orders real well.  Honest.  Damn Scully, why
turn to him?  

"Hey, that' s better Pendrell.  Now you're getting it."  I can help but
snicker at that.  If that were me Scully, you would be past coherent
speech by nowway past.  What is it about him that got you, Scully?  His
goofy ears?  His absolute intolerance for alcohol? Or was it guilt,
because he came so close to dying that night?  That has to be it!  She
felt so bad for the nitwit that she...nope.  I can't believe that one.  No
one has ever felt *that* guilty.  Ever.  What I really don't get is why
she would totally disregard Bureau policy and get involved with another
Agent.  Hell, if she was gonna break rules she should be breaking them
with me!  After all, I'm the one who taught her how to disregard
regulations.  Oh god, she laughed.  A full out laugh.  She doesn't laugh.
She looks amused and moves on; she doesn't laugh out loud.

"Ok, let's try it faster now."  Ok, that is defiantly my cue to leave.  I
will either kill him or die if I stay.  I'll just turn around and head out
the door. CRASH!  Oh lord, I can not believe my luck.  A lamp.  I knocked
over a lamp. Please God, I'll take back all my snotty comments about
religion if you will just let Scully NOT hear that.  The music was
suddenly turned off.  Scuffling, this is definitely scuffling.  Getting
our clothes back on are we?  I have two choices: open the door and run
like hell or pretend that I just came in. Ok, decision; have to make a
decision.

"Don't shoot Scully, it's just me."  I called out to her.  Ok, now I
-know- I did not just sound bitter.

"Mulder?'  Scully walked slowly out of the kitchen, her gun in her hand.
When she saw it was me, she visibly relaxed.  "What are you doing here?"

"Um, I brought food."  I held up the now cold bag.  "Oh, and a movie.
Sorry about the lamp." 
 
"Oh, ok.  Did you knock?"  Scully smiled. Oh, how can she look so innocent
when I know what she was doing only moments before!

"Uh, yeah, but the music was so loud, I guess you didn't hear."  I tried
to give one of my trademarks grins, but it just wasn't in me.  Scully
placed her gun down on the end table by the sofa and glanced over her
shoulder.

"You can come out Pendrell.  Mulder isn't going to hurt you."  Scully just
rolled her eyes, as Agent Pendrell entered the living room, pulling on his
jacket.

"Hi, Agent Mulder."  Pendrell looked sheepishly at the floor. "We were
just, uh..." Pendrell's voice petered out when he saw the look on my face.
Oh, I *know* what you were just. Scully grinned.

"Oh, come on Pendrell, you can tell him.  He won't laugh." I felt myself
go pale.  She was going to *tell* me about it?  I can not listen to this.

"Look, Scully, I don't really want to know" She cut me off before I could
finish.  

"I was teaching him to dance Mulder."  Scully snickered.  "He wanted to
ask out Jane in the typing pool, but she'll only go out with guys that can
dance."  All I could do was stare.  DANCING?  They had just been dancing.
I wanted to sink through the floor in shame at what I thought they had
been doing.

"In the kitchen?" My voice cracked, and I cleared my throat.  "Dancing in
the kitchen?"  Scully just shook her head.

"Men.  You're all alike. The kitchen is the best place because the floor
is more like a dance floor than a room with a rug is."  

"Um, I think I'd better go."  Pendrell walked to the door, trying not to
look at me.  "Thanks, Agent Scully.  Just leave your computer on my desk
on Monday and I will add that RAM for you.  It's the least I can do for
you helping me like this."  Pendrell opened the door and headed into the
hall.  "Bye."  

"Bye Pendrell, see you Monday."  Scully closed and locked the door after
him. "Mulder?  Are you ok?"  She felt my forehead.  'You don't look well."
At her touch I came to and shook my head to clear the cobwebs.

"No, I'm fine Scully.  Maybe just a little tired."  I handed her the bag
of food. 

"Ok, if you're sure."  She went into the kitchen.  "I'm so hungry.  You
are the best for bringing this."  I shrugged out of his jacket, and sat
down.  My mind still going through the last 15 minutes, when Scully called
out to me.

"Hey Mulder, why is this food ice cold?"  I took one look at her face and
collapsed in to laughter. Ok, stupid, think up a good excuse before she
gets suspicious. 

"It's aliens, Scully.  They zapped me on my way here."

***************** 
A mishearing of the Sheryl Crow song "A Change Would Do You Good" inspired
this story. I was not listening very well, and for a second I thought she
said, "Scully and Pendrell on the kitchen floor."  You get the idea.

So, what did ya think?


"Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it
holds the universe together."

"It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time."
-Tallulah Bankhead