THE SAUNA 1/1 By Fiona Bland FBland@Lonet.ca DISCLAIMER: Well as everyone know by now, Dana Scully, Fox Mulder, and Danny Pendrell belong to Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions and FOX. Mind you, Agent Ryan Harrison is mine, he's my creation. AUTHOR NOTES: I wrote this over the period of Canada Day 1996. That's July 1st for all you below the forty-ninth parallel or across the pond. Comments are always welcome and flames are used as the liner in my mice's cage. This IS supposed to funny. Think of the ending as revenge for the hotel scene in "Syzygy." There, that's they only mention in the entire fan fiction of a third season spoiler. CLASSIFICATIONS: This is funny and there are some jokes that not all will understand. Some swearing in this one, but nothing that nobody has heard before. S, V, H - PG WARNING: There is a romance in it but it does NOT involve Mulder and Scully... Remember don't get mad, get even.... SUMMARY: A little dare in the sauna turns into more fun in the change rooms. ************************************* FBI FITNESS FACILITY THURSDAY 7:45 P.M. Dana Scully wondered into the FBI's sauna after a long workout. She had taken a two hour advanced step. Mainly because she need to work of a little of the stress she had acquired over the last couple of weeks and she just need to unwind after a four days of Mulder's theories and a wild goose chase. The case that they had just solved was given to them from the Violent Crimes, it involved a growing number of persons who were disappearing in a corn field. Mulder and Scully had flown out to Montana only to find out that the farmer who owned the suspicious corn field, property's bordered on the Canadian province of Saskatchewan. Apparently, some religious group had started spreading rumours that the field had religious significance. Patrons were told that if they spent time in the field, that all of the problems would be solved when they exited the field. In reality, the persons who entered it were led across the border and into Canada. Mulder and Scully were able to capture the perpetrators by going undercover. They were arrested for drug trafficking and trespassing. As part of their sentencing they were forced to pay for any damaged crops. When Scully had first entered, Agent Gilly Spencer was there. The pair chatted for a while about gossip that was going around, most of it involved the supposed romance between Mulder and Scully. Scully defended herself but in the back of her mind, she had wanted some of it to be true. After Agent Spencer left, Scully stretched out on the tile bench. As much as she hated working out, Scully did have to admire that who she looked in her new green two piece swim suits. The sauna room itself was ten feet by twenty feet. Laying there alone, Scully closed her eyes and let the steam go to work on her tired muscles. IN ANOTHER PART OF THE FACILITY SAME TIME Fox Mulder finished swimming his laps only to beat his previous personal record. Many of the female agents had been watching him swim only because he had put on him famous green trunks. His red speedos had been popular until Assistant Director Skinner read him a riot act after Mulder had ignored a young female agent that was coming on to him. When she was dumped, she went to Skinner and told him that Mulder made advance to her. Scully was his only witness and she got him off the hook with the agreement that he was not to wear the said swimming trunks at the Facility again. As Mulder got out of the pool, there were a couple of whistles but since they weren't from a certain agent, he ignore them. Mulder walked into the men's change rooms, minding his own business. He just wanted to get home and relax. Mulder thought to himself. "Hey Spooky, where's the Mrs.?" Agent Ryan Harrison yelled as Mulder walked towards his locker. Harrison was just a little taller then Mulder with dark hair also. He worked in Computer Fraud. "Bite me Harrison!!" Responded Mulder. He stopped and turned. "Harrison, don't you have someone's butt to kiss up to right about now?" Some of the other male agent wondered over to see Harrison and Mulder go at it. Ohs and ahs could be heard from the growing audience. "You wish Mulder." Harrison told him. Ryan Harrison was at the academy the same time as Mulder. They had never gotten along, especially since Mulder beat him in a basketball game in a charity one-on-one match last year, Harrison had been demanding a rematch. "Ooo, I'm scared." Mulder said with a chuckle. "Give it up Harrison. I beat you fair and square." "How about a rematch?" "Fine, if it will shut you up. Where and when?" Mulder asked. Mulder thought. Harrison was silent. Mulder looked at his watch. "Sometime within in this century would be nice." Agent Pendrell walked out of the sauna. "Hey what's going on?" "Butt out Pendrell!" Harrison yelled at him. "Calm down, Harrison. He just asked a simply question." Agent Bricks said from behind Harrison. "Pendrell, are there any women in the sauna?" "Yeah. Just one." Pendrell responded. "But-" "Great." Bricks said as Pendrell, Mulder and Harrison looked at him, all of them with puzzled looks on their faces. "Here's what you two can do. I dare both of you two go in, one at a time, and see if you can get a date with her. This will settle your rivalry. Agreed?" The two mean nodded and shock on it. "There's a catch. You two can't find out who she is. Pendrell will watch you two." Bricks told them. Pendrell nodded. Bricks looked at Mulder. "You want to go first?" "Sure. How long do I get?" Mulder asked. "A minute. After that, it's Harrison's turn." Bricks said as he set his watch. "Ready?" Pendrell said just before he walked in. "Yes." Mulder said as he wrapped a towel around his waist then walked in. THE SAUNA - FROM SCULLY'S POINT OF VIEW Scully had enjoyed the peace and quiet in the sauna. Being alone in the sauna was great until she could hear a couple of men yelling at each other. "Great!" Scully muttered to herself. Pendrell walked past Scully and sat down diagonally opposite her. As Scully laid her head back down, she could sense another person coming toward her. "Who the hell could that be?" Scully could barely see him though the steam but he seemed to be familiar. "Hello?" The man said. (Mulder) Scully turned onto her left side to face him and propped her head up on her left arm. "Hello yourself." She responded. "So have you worked for the Bureau for long?" The man asked. "Yeah, a couple of years." Scully replied. She recognized the voice but she just couldn't place a face to the voice. "Interesting." The man said. "I was wondering if you wanted to do something tomorrow after work?" "Well I don't know. I'll have to check." Now Scully knew who she was talking to. "But I should warn you, I'm going to have to run it past my partner. He is a little over-protective." The man swallowed hard. "Okay." Then turned and left. Scully thought before rolling back on to her stomach. "Men!" She muttered to herself before starting to giggle. After a couple minutes another male agent, (Harrison), walked in. "Great round two." Scully said to Pendrell. Pendrell looked at her then the approaching agent. "Excuse me, but is this bench taken?" The second agent asked. Scully looked at him. Again she couldn't see his face due to the amount of steam in the sauna. "Depends on who's asking." "Well I am." The agent said as he moved to sit down. Scully thought to herself. She looked back at Pendrell who just poured a bucket of water on the steam rocks. "Is there something that you want or do just like to be annoying?" Scully didn't know who he was or how Mulder was involved. The idea that it was male gender thing made more sense. "I don't want to seem to annoying, it's just that I think you're cute and I was wondering if you're were free on Saturday to join me for dinner. I'm great at cooking Italian if you wanted to join me?" She thought. "Well I don't even know you? Can I trust you?" "Yes you can trust me. I do work for the Bureau after all." The agent responded. Scully thought. "So, I work for the Bureau too. That doesn't make me want to trust you any much more." Scully said. This was getting interesting. He had two strikes against him. BUT he can cook. "Well I do believe that Agent Mulder and Scully's work at the Bureau is a giant work of time and money." He said proudly. "Gee, I kind of admire their work." Scully said as sappy as she could. "Oh." The agent was taken back with Scully's response. "Well do you still want to go out?" "No." Scully said as she tried to hold back her laughter. "Are you sure?" The agent was now practically begging. "Yes I've made up my mind." Scully turned away from him. "Good-bye." The agent made a hasty exit. As soon as she heard the door shut, Pendrell left too. When Scully knew she was all alone she started to laugh. Just until it hurt. Now she felt better. "I wonder what would happen if I..." Scully got off the tile bench, wrapped her towel around her waist and walked towards the entrance that the guys came out of. Just before she reached to open the door, she could hear the guys arguing again. "She said okay to me. Therefore I win." Mulder said. "No way. She must be insane to want to go out with you, Mulder." Harrison said. Brick looked at Pendrell. "Hey, is what they saying correct?" "Yes. She said maybe to Mulder and no to Harrison." Scully had heard enough. She opened the door to the men's change rooms. Mulder, Harrison, Pendrell, and Brick jumped. Brick looked at her. "Agent Scully, you can't come in here." "Shut up, Brick." Mulder said in Scully's defence. Scully glared at each of them but more at Mulder. "Shut up yourself Mulder." "You're in trouble now, Mulder." Harrison said teasingly. "Agent Harrison." Scully said as she walked over to him. He moaned quietly. "I was willing to go out with you until you said that I was 'cute'. You were redeemed when you said that you could cook. BUT..." Scully lifted her index finger up in his face. "...You thought that my and Mulder's work was a waste of Bureau time and money." "Big mistake." Mulder said. "Shut up Mulder!" Scully said to Mulder as she locked stares with Harrison. "Harrison, I thought you were a man. I guess not. Then again from what I've heard, all you do is surf the net when you're supposed to be searching for computer fraud." Scully looked down had his towel, just under it she could see a hint of his boxers. Still looking at Harrison in the eye, Scully reached down and pulled away his towel. Only to reveal his white boxes with Oscar the Grouch plastered all over them. Scully, and the rest of the men started to laugh at Harrison, who's face turned two shades of red before he a speedy departure out through the sauna. "Busted!" Mulder said between laughs. "You're next!" Scully turned and walked over to her partner. "Fox William Mulder, I thought you grew out of playing these games." Scully glared at him. Mulder knew he was in deeper trouble because he had to work with Scully the next day. "I guess not. I've changed my mind. I don't want to go out with you. And that goes double for the rest of you." She waved her finger at them. The audience soon departed as she sent icy stares to each and every one of them. Brick and Pendrell started to leave when Scully caught them. "Freeze Brick and Pendrell. I'm not done with you two either!" Scully walked over to the pair. "Agent Gerald Brick, I thought you would have been smarter, especially considering you are the senior agent involved here. Think of what your wife will think when I tell her about your involvement. Isn't she expecting your third child!" Brick looked at her. "You wouldn't dare?" "You can bet I will." Scully loved having the upper hand here. Brick soon grabbed his things and left. "Are you really going to phone his wife?" Pendrell asked. "I don't know. Maybe." Scully turned back to Pendrell. Mulder started to leave but Scully cut in front of him. "Where do you think you're going!" "Uh..." "I thought you were finished with me." Mulder said as he walked towards her. "Oh Mulder, I'm NEVER finished with you!" Scully said she stood her ground. Mulder laid his arm on Scully's bare shoulders. "Can I say one thing?" "What?" Scully yelled as she tried to wiggle free of his grasp. She scanned the room. Only she, Mulder, and Pendrell were left. "I love your new bikini. That shade of green does wonders for you eyes." Mulder said as he hoped that it would help him out of the situation. "Mulder?" Scully asked. "Yeah, you're still in trouble. Now stay!" Scully said as she stepped away from him and towards Pendrell. "Danny?" "Yes, Agent Scully?" Pendrell's voice cracked to a high pitched squeak. "Want to go get some dinner? You and me?" Scully asked. Pendrell's face went bright red. "Sure." Pendrell looked back at Mulder. "What about him?" Before he disappeared to get changed. Scully thought to herself. "Mulder, come here." Scully curled her index toward her. Mulder walked over with his hanging down. "Yes?" Mulder checked Scully over, he started to smile when he realized that she wasn't carrying her gun. Scully wrapped her arms his neck. "I've always wanted to do this." Scully started to curl a strand of his hair around her index finger. "Mulder, I know that you are my superior and all but..." Mulder looked at her. "But what?" Mulder wrapped his arms around her back and held her close. "No well I better not." Scully turned away. Mulder lift his hand to her face. "Tell me." "I've always...well...wished that we could be closer." Scully said. Over the his shoulder, she noticed Pendrell appear fully dressed in jeans and a sweater. "Closer. How much closer do you think we could possibly get?" Mulder looked down at his partner's face. "Close enough to tell you this." Scully stood on the balls of her feet. "This is how to kiss somebody." Whispered Scully as she walked over to Pendrell. "Ready?" Pendrell asked. "Yeah just a sec." Scully leaned in and kissed him with all she could muster. Pendrell kissed her back with just as much passion. Mulder stood there in awe. He thought. "Hey, Love birds." Scully and Pendrell ignored him. She had wrapped her arms around Pendrell and he had her face in his hands. "Are you two ever coming up for air or should I just hose you down now?" Scully pulled away. "Mulder I hope you were paying attention. That's how you kiss somebody." As she referred to a certain hotel room incident with a dumb blonde. Scully grabbed Pendrell's hand and they left the change room. "Revenge is so sweet." "Is she ever in a bad mood." Mulder muttered to himself as he walked toward the showers. Mulder walked out of the change room thirty minutes later only to find to realized that one thing. "Shit!! I am so dead!" Mulder continued walking out of the fitness facility. Not only did Mulder had to work with Scully but he had to tell her that their next case involved them investigating mysterious events in Mount Rainier National Park. Where a creature taking the form of Big Foot was spotted in the woods. The end....or maybe? ************************************* Now should this be called "Revenge" instead? Comments are always welcome and flames are used to line my mice's cage: FBland@.Lonet.ca