Title: Pendrell's Problem II: Mulder's POV

Author: Diane 'Nutty' Doty

Rating: G (that's two stories I have written with out major violence! Go me,
it's my b-day, have a cerrio!
Do you see how I got the nick name??)

Classification: MA (Mulder angst)

Summary: Tittle says it all.

Disclaimer: By now you can fill in the blanks. _ulder and _cully, and
_endrell, belong to C_ and _ox, and 
_ _13. Good job, I knew you could! :-)

OK folks. Guess what! I didn't have any complaints about the last one, and
someone suggested that I write one from Mulder's POV (point of view). I hadda
tie in alot of Mulder angst, cos I am depressed
...don't ask. There MIGHT be a third and final part to this but I am not sure
yet. Anyway, enjoy!

Feedback: Give me some? Please?? I'll beg!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Everyone has those nights where you just feel 
sorry for yourself. Well, at least I have them. It's 
kind of like a weekly mid-life-crisis. I will just sit 
there thinking what's wrong with my life (there is 
so many answers to that question that I won't even 
mention them all). Then main thing I was thinking 
about that night was my crusade worth the so 
many lives it's taking.

The list of casualties is a high number, for one 
man's crusade. Deep throat, Melissa Scully, X, 
possibly Scully's life as well.  And now Pendrell.

I was near breaking point. After all, if I gave up on 
my quest, would I have anything else in my life? 
No. But I couldn't (or so I thought) go on with life, 
causing so many innocent lives to be lost.   

I am not going to lie about it. I was actually getting 
close to using my SIG on myself. That's how 
depressed I was. I can't tell you how long I sat there 
on the couch, the barrel of that gun in my mouth. 

After all, my death should end the pain for others. 
Right? That's what I thought, until a ghost showed 
up on my doorstep.

I was sitting there, on the couch, the gun in my mouth, 
when there was a knock on my door. I sighed, 
assuming it was Scully. She had called several times. 
I just listened to her voice on the machine, not picking 
the phone up. After a while she announced she was 
coming over.

I walked to the door, surprised that I hadn't heard 'Mulder, 
it's me open the door' yet. I swung open the door.

I nearly fell backwards in shock. I closed my eyes. 
It had to be a bad dream. I opened them again. He 
was still standing there.

Agent Pendrell raised his gun and leveled it at my 
chest. I knew I should have moved, but I was frozen 
in place. 

Pendrell was shaking, I barely noticed that I was too. 
I looked into his eyes and saw the conflict in them. 
He dropped the gun to his side. He kept staring at me. 
His gaze never left my eyes.

He raised the gun again. Deep down something was 
trying to get me to move. I tried to move, but again my 
body wouldn't move.

Pendrell dropped the gun to his side again. Then the 
whole hallway went white. 

He was gone.

A wave of nausea went through my stomach. I 
had almost killed myself, only thinking of myself. 
Not the others.  If I killed myself, they all would 
have died in vain. Deep Throat, X, Melissa, my 
father, and Pendrell. They all  died with a purpose, 
I would have ended the purpose. That made me 
sick to my stomach to think that I would have done 
that to good people.

I rushed to the bathroom barely getting there in time. 


And that's where Scully found me, ten minutes later. 
I didn't tell her what happened. I can't. And I won't
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SIGH! I think the other was better...let me know 
what you think! Send all comments to jadecow14@aol.com

PS: POV= point of view